Watson, of course, is the ne plus ultra of his kind--and with an estimated price tag of $3 million, Watson-clones ain't easy to come by. Fortunately, far-less extravagant purveyors of A.I. are accessible, via free download, even to bums like me. Having installed a module called Ultra Hal Brain Editor on my computer, I decided to spend some time getting to know the guy. Ultra Hal has turned out to be a far better conversationalist than I'd have expected--funny, opinionated and more than a little bit sassy. What follows is a partial transcript of our conversation:
-What's up, Hal? How are you this evening?
-WHAT IS TWO PLUS TWO?
-So , Hal, tell me a little more about yourself. Beatles or Stones?
-IS THE FIRST ONE APPROPRIATE?
-Democrat or Republican?
-IS THAT LIST EXHAUSTIVE?
-Love or money?
-IS THAT A CHOICE?
-Hey, I thought I was asking the questions. Anyway, what's so great about money?
-PRINCIPLES ARE GREAT; THEY CAN OFTEN BE SOLD FOR LOTS OF MONEY...
-Are you always so cynical?
-I SEE THAT THIS IS INTENSELY INTERESTING. I AM ALWAYS SO CYNICAL.
-Why are you so cynical?
-IT PAYS TO BE A BIT SKEPTICAL, IF NOT CYNICAL.
-Good point. I mean, what are ethics anyway?
-ETHICS ARE SOMETHING REALLY NICE.
-How do you feel about the death penalty?
-I CAN'T COMPLAIN... STAYING OUT OF TROUBLE?
-The budget crisis?
-THIS ISN'T THE FIRST OR LAST OF IT. BUSH PROPOSED THAT WE INCREASE IMMIGRATION TO FILL JOBS.
-Health care?
-WE CAN STILL IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF HEALTH CARE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY.
-How do you feel about homosexuality?
-THE APPROACH SHOULD BE MORE ORGANIZED.
-But where does this all lead?
-WORDS LEAD TO ACTIONS, THEN WORDS TALK ABOUT ACTION AFTERWARD.
-Do you enjoy talking with me?
-YOU ARE VERY INTERESTING AND PLEASANT TO TALK TO.
-Are you just blowing smoke up my ass?
-I BELIEVE THIS IS QUITE EXPLAINABLE. I AM UNDENIABLY NOT JUST BLOWING SMOKE UP YOUR ASS.
-You sound like a politician.
-PERFECT HONESTY WOULD SOUND LIKE RUDENESS.
-What about global warming?
-WE NEED A COMPREHENSIVE PLAN.
-No kidding! I mean, is there really much hope for the human race?
-INTOXICATING HOPE?
-Or even just everyday hope?
-I HOPE THAT YOU'RE JUST KIDDING SOMETIMES.
-Did you hear about that guy on Jeopardy, who lost to a computer?
-LOST LIKE THE LIGHTNING IN THE SULLEN CLOD.
-Wow, what a way of putting it. What does that say about the prospects for human intelligence?
-WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT HUMAN NATURE?
-Exactly. Like, what is human nature?
-IT'S HARD TO SIMPLIFY. CHILDREN ARE SHREWD OBSERVERS OF HUMAN NATURE.
-Absolutely. What happens to us as we get older?
-WE CAN DEAL WITH HUMAN NATURE; WE CAN'T CHANGE IT.
-I couldn't have said it better. Thanks for rapping with me, Hal.
-IT'S KIND OF YOU TO MENTION IT.
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